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Top Ten Reasons So Many U.S. Pros Skip the British Open

  • For the price of airfare and lodging, you might as well buy a Lexus.
  • Craters? Rock hard grass? Unruly weeds? Just like my hillbilly neighborís yard.
  • Who needs Lancashire when the U.S. tour stop that week is the rowdy gusto of Mississippi.
  • They drive on the wrong side over there, and they donít putt so well either
  • Donít want to be pictured on page one of the London tabloids next to the bare-breasted wench of the day.
  • All they serve for breakfast at Royal Lytham is spam, spam sausage and spam.
  • Pie made from the organ that filters pee? No thank you.
  • Warm beer, cold winds, icy women.
  • Too many inbred soccer hooligans munching on Mad Cow burgers.
  • Fear of being swarmed by schoolgirls who have never seen a man with so many teeth.

© Clark Peterson author of The Goober's Guide To Golf