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Top Ten Reasons So Many U.S. Pros Skip the British Open
- For the price of airfare and lodging, you might as well
buy a Lexus.
- Craters? Rock hard grass? Unruly weeds? Just like my hillbilly
neighbor’s yard.
- Who needs Lancashire when the U.S. tour stop that week
is the rowdy gusto of Mississippi.
- They drive on the wrong side over there, and they don’t
putt so well either
- Don’t want to be pictured on page one of the London tabloids
next to the bare-breasted wench of the day.
- All they serve for breakfast at Royal Lytham is spam,
spam sausage and spam.
- Pie made from the organ that filters pee? No thank you.
- Warm beer, cold winds, icy women.
- Too many inbred soccer hooligans munching on Mad Cow
burgers.
- Fear of being swarmed by schoolgirls who have never seen
a man with so many teeth.
© Clark Peterson author
of The Goober's Guide To Golf
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