Top Ten Signs Your Divot is Too Big

• That light shooting out of the hole you made is from a miner’s helmet below.
  
• Put it next to Charlton Heston’s toupee and you can’t tell the difference
  
• It has more square footage than the average front yard in Hong Kong.
  
• The Bureau of Land Management issues you a citation for environmental brutality.
  
• A nearsighted, horny fox mounts it.
  
• You stamp WELCOME on it and put it on your front doorstep.
  
• There are enough worms in it to start your own bait shop.
  
• It contains the entire hip bone of a fossilized brontosaurus.
  
• You need a forklift to pick it up and a carpet layer to put it back.
  
• Smack in the middle is the bloody severed head of a gopher.

© Clark Peterson author of The Goober's Guide To Golf