Top Ten Tipoffs Your Opponent is a Cheater
- Like Seigfried and Roy, he throws a smoke bomb and his lost ball suddenly appears
- That weird stain on his ball? Shoe polish.
- You discover his initials, J.T., stand for Jive Turkey.
- His shafts are juiced with pine tar and flubber.
- When you turn your back, he slathers mud on your ball with a Spackle knife
- If he has the same painful leg condition as Casey Martin, how come after every birdie he break dances on the green?
- He asks if he can examine your clubs, then leaves a slimy layer of Vaseline on your grips
- Claims he’s exempt from the 14-club limit "cuz I choked on a gook land mine in ‘Nam."
- When you ask him what he shot, he screams like Jack Nicholson,
"YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"
- That bulge under his pants leg? The Wile E. Coyote Golf Ball Dispenser by Acme.
© Clark Peterson author of The Goober's Guide To Golf